The 15 Questions

Twinky wiener sandwich.

a cheese sandwich, grilled cheese

a fried baloney sandwich

The Reuben sandwich

Everything that you want.

A cheeseburger's the best sandwich.

turkey dark turkey with klaa and Russian dressing on rye bread

a PB&J

Peanut butter and jelly, white bread

a chip butty

Onion mozzarella sandwich on white bread that my grandfather used to make.

3 a.m peanut butter and jelly, big glass of milk

I like grilled cheese

peanut butter and jelly

veggie Mite and avocado

a corned beef sandwich

Bacon lettuce and tomato.

fried baloney sandwiches

Probably a BLT.

tuna melt

cheese and tomato

A connie arney busy — condensed milk poured on white bread

Cuban sandwich

Cheese. Just cheddar, nothing else.

Grandma Betty made a mean PB & J

A club

ham lettuce tomato a little mustard on it a little toasted maybe a potato bread

One that I make.

tuna melt

day after Thanksgiving, piece of white bread, some cold turkey, and you put cranberry sauce all over the top, put a slice of white bread on top

Cuban sandwich, midnight sandwich — medianoche

Peanut butter and jelly.

Breakfast burrito hold the potatoes soft yolks bacon avocado

cheeseburger with onion, toasted bun

pita bread, creamy peanut butter, Ruffles cheddar and sour cream potato chips, and Sweet Baby James barbecue sauce — fold it over, boom

I was sandwiched between Claudia Cardinale and Sophia Loren

A Cubano.

pastrami sandwich from Katz's Deli

cold roast beef, Italian dressing, lettuce, tomato, and a little provolone melted in the oven — on fresh homemade bread from Figuro

tahini, lettuce, tomato with red onion, and sourdough bread

BLT or a prosciutto and arugula sandwich

meatball sub

a BLT crispy as possible the bacon, sweet as possible the tomato — a Wawa BLT

It's a hot dog.

the best sandwich is one that understands the bread to ingredient ratio

A Ruben from Lenny's

me my kids and my wife

a BLT

peanut butter and jelly with sour cream and onion potato chips smashed in it

grilled cheese

toasted crunchy peanut butter with honey

An Italian sub.

chicken parm sandwich but not with parmesan, I would do mozzarella and I would do a red sauce on top of it with a lightly toasted thingy

Albacore white tuna on toasted rye

Liverwurst on white bread with mustard and mayonnaise and lettuce.

the Godmother

pastrami on rye

grilled cheese

Peanut butter and jelly.

a Nathan's hot dog

turkey cheese lettuce tomatoes uh salt and Peppa oil and vinegar jalapenos mayonnaise mustard toasted um hero

the muffaletta sandwich in New Orleans at the Central Grocery

a cheese and tomato toasty

PB&Js with the crust cut off on Pepperidge Farm bread

Chicken salad and bacon.

pastrami on rye with pickle

a cheese and ham toasty with Dijon mustard on top

cheese sandwich, goat cheese

Whatever sandwich I'm eating at the time.

BLT

ice cream

BLT

The Blimpie Best

chicken parm

is a hamburger a sandwich? a cheeseburger is the best sandwich

Turkey club

a cheddar cheese and tomato sandwich on white toast

Summer: tomato sandwich on white bread, salt & pepper, mayo, eaten over the sink. The rest of the year: hot pastrami on rye, maybe with a little coleslaw (asked by Billy Crystal)

Club

A pastrami

ham on swiss no no tomato lettuce and mustard

salami and grapefruit on rye with a light sheen of mayonnaise

chunky peanut butter with banana and honey on a whole grain open faced

Elton John, at the LA Forum in the mid-70s.

Run DMC

a fresh Fest kind of thing in Atlanta and I think it was like Public Enemy LL and Houdy

Joan Baez, back in the late 60s

It was like a free — in Puerto Rico we made like Feta Patronal, it's like a town festival, it's free and there's a lot of artists. So that was my first.

Elton John Goodbye Yellow Brick Road tour.

the neighborhood

Powderfinger

Eubie Blake

Beach Boys

Van Halen with David Lee Roth.

Prince

Little Richard at the Granada

The Who. 75.

Elton John

Cliff Richards, I was about 18.

Emerson, Lake and Palmer in Buffalo, New York, 1972

Jethro Tull

James Brown

Arlo Guthrie at the Masonic Temple in Detroit, Michigan

James Taylor. I was 16. I had gotten my license that day.

Sammy Davis Jr.

steel pulse concert

The Grateful Dead

The Squeeze

Sly and the Family Stone

Cheap Trick

A-ha

Jingle Ball.

The Rolling Stones

Holly Near

Debbie Gibson.

Summer Jam H7 radio show many many years ago

the Who in San Francisco Fillmore stadium

AC/DC

The Rolling Stones 1980, the Tattoo You tour

An Alan Freed rock and roll show at the Brooklyn Paramount — Chuck Berry and Frankie Lymon and a whole bunch of other acts.

Bill Haley. Bill Haley and the Comets. Rock around the clock. 1958.

James Brown at the San Diego Sports Arena in July of 1969

Elvis Perry — my uncle Perry who performed his Elvis

Cypress Hill

The Temptations

The Beatles at the Hollywood Bowl

Chuck Mangione in 1977 (asked by Weird Al Yankovic)

Rody Rich

the band

Bears.

all animals that are supposed to eat us

humans

Probably snakes

Open a cab.

Mosquitoes are the scariest animal.

a snake

a whale

The spitting cobra because it's rude

the spotted Paparazzi

The Kimodo Dragon.

a brown recluse spider

snake

a possum

monkeys

a large arachnid, like a hairy spider

A black mamba snake.

Wolverine

Shark with a crossbow.

bats

a snake

Tasmanian devil

A cockroach

Humans.

A tick, I hate ticks

Cheetah

the hippo

Hyena.

a spider

humans cuz they're everywhere

Bubonic plague

Anaconda

A brown recluse spider

mountain lions

What is the name of the animal on top of Trump's head?

a t-rex, velociraptor, or the housefly — the gamut — also the human animal

A shark.

a drunk New York Rangers fan

The mosquito

maybe snakes

Snakes

crocodile

pangolins are terrifying

A roach.

cat

A wolf because I grew up with wolves

fascist Homo Sapien

snake

Honey badger

cows

spiders

I don't like really large birds. Like a big hawk.

snakes

A shark

I'm not afraid of animals.

a great white shark

a black widow spider

snakes

Rattlesnake.

a snake

the centipede

a tick

Rats

I'm not comfortable with snakes.

octopus

snakes

a lion

Republicans.

Human

man, the mosquito

Spiders

Cockroaches

a platypus

grizzly bear

A shark

Man

Trapdoor spider (asked by Josh Brolin)

A cat

Alligator crocodile

a type of worm that lives in the sand of beaches of australia

the penguin

human

For juice oranges and for eating apples.

apples

oranges

Apples

Oranges. Orange.

Apples.

apples

a honey crisp

Apples of course

lemons, said the bells of St Clement's

Apples.

apples

apples

apples

oranges

an apple

Oranges.

oranges

Apples.

oranges

apples

Apples

Apples of course

Oranges.

Apples

apples obviously because you can put peanut butter on a slice of apple

Oranges.

apples

apples

Apples, honey crisp

Apples

Apple

I'm going to go for the Sweet Naval thing

Apples. And I eat the whole apple.

the correct answer is banana, but the real answer is they're equally good

Oranges.

Obviously apples, right? Oranges way too much work.

apple every day

half of each

Oranges

apples

apples

Oranges.

apples

Apples because my daughters love them right now

Tomatoes

apples

Apples

apples

apples

I think oranges.

oranges

Oranges because you get the fruit and you get a drink

Oranges.

apples

apples of course

oranges

Apples.

Apple because it would help feed me and Papa there more

oranges

apples with cinnamon

Apple

Whatever is sweetest.

I love apples. I like oranges, too, but I prefer apples.

oranges duh

apples

Well, I find it difficult to compare apples to oranges. So I will say grapes.

Oranges

both — the oranges help with the scurvy, but the apple you can make a bong out of

Oranges

I think I'll choose an apple

orange

apples

Oranges, I live in Florida, sir

Bananas

Apples — because you can't put peanut butter on an orange (asked by Martha Stewart)

Apples

Oranges because they got a lot of vitamin c and fiber in them

oranges

apples

oranges

The very first autograph I ever got was Myron Floren's autograph.

no, never

Not that I can remember

I don't think so.

Dr. J came to Hawaii for an All-Star game, an exhibit game. And I asked Doc for an autograph.

yes, President Kennedy and Cliff Robertson

I actually went to a Skylar Grey signing when I was like nine

I still do

Muhammad Ali

Yes, Tug McGraw. I was eight. It was the Ford dealership behind my house.

yes, I was with my son watching the New York Yankees in 1998 and we had the whole team sign a baseball

yes, Linda Darnell

no

yes

yes, Luis Tiant

yes

Yeah, you.

Lawrence Olivier

yes, Elvis Presley

Gregory Peck

No

I asked David Essex.

I asked Kris Kristofferson

George Best

yes many people

Oh yes.

yes, John C. Riley

Ray Bradbury

Yeah, I asked Peter Yarrow from Peter Paul and Mary for his autograph

Uncle

Twice. The first time was Muhammad Ali, he was in an airport. And the second time was Willie Mays, the great baseball player.

I can't remember. I don't think I did.

Al Kaline was a Detroit Tigers right fielder. He was my childhood hero and I stood in line at some supermarket autograph signing.

yes, I asked Muhammad Ali — I sent a boxing glove and said can you say to Bruno keep on punching

I stood in line to get J.J. Walker's — Jimmy J.J. Dynamite Kid Walker — and he signed my dynamite hat.

I asked Steve Garvey, my favorite baseball player, for his autograph

yes, Erik Estrada and John Travolta — had my mom ask

Yes. Peter Frampton.

yeah, when i was a little kid my dad was a doctor and he actually knew the doctor of the red sox and so i got to once go down there and meet my hero at the time was kirby puckett from the minnesota twins

oh yeah, as a kid yeah, footballers, Ian Rush

I did ask Michelle Obama, for her autograph on her book.

Ray Bradbury

no

I have

Yes. Yul Brynner.

yes, Lou Reed — but it wasn't for me, it was for a friend

I ask fans to autograph their art that they give me.

Groucho Marx at the Bistro in Los Angeles

I asked Snoop. Many times. And Russell Crowe.

yes, Marvelous Marvin Hagler came to our local arcade and I got autographs for my brother and for me

yes, richard nixon

I am not an autograph person so I'm sure I have but I don't generally think that getting somebody's signature is kind of like what do you do with that

Yes. Savon Glover.

yes I have, I asked Joan Rivers for her autograph in the CBS Ed Sullivan theater in the 1960s

yeah, Pete Townsend

Philip Roth and Elton John

Oliver Stone was in Dallas filming and I went up and said I'd like to get an autograph for my brother Luke

Yes. I asked Daniel Radcliffe — for my kids.

Yes. Steven Berkoff.

yes, the England rugby team in 2003

Yes, Diana Ross

oh yeah — first person I asked was The Ultimate Warrior and he said no

Daniel Radcliffe

Yes, Patrick Stewart

I have, Marvelous Marvin Hagler at cats

yeah i think i have i have pam dauber's autograph

Yes, Dr. J., Julius Irving

I think I was too shy

Yes. Steve Martin (asked by Mark Hamill)

I only have one autograph, I have Frank Sinatra's autograph

Yes, Halle Berry

yes

I've only asked one person, Vladimir Putin

I had just gotten Bob Weir and Mickey Hart to autograph my photo

Basically the same answer that Keanu Reeves gave on your show that one time.

I think some people when they pass away they stay... we could be in heaven now

I think we just kind of transfer into another body or transfer like the energy doesn't go anywhere

Should death ever come to me I will battle him and destroy him and terminate him

They bury us. I don't know.

I don't know, but what I accept that if we've lived a good life I think we live on in the memories of the people who loved us.

I feel like we go back to where we were nothing

We go into syndication

that's when we're born, that's when we begin

individual consciousness adios, but our souls and our spirits I think grow and live on with the people that we've loved and who've loved us

I think there's something there that's more than what we know

you turn into a soup

redistribution of energy, we'll be sprinkled through the cosmos

if I've been good, I get to watch my reruns

Nothing, we become stars.

people won't quiz me with nonsensical questions

We're jolted back to life by a mad scientist.

I hope we just stop stressing and let go

I wish I knew. I hope there's Pearly Gates but I'm a bit cynical about it

We go into everything. We go into the ceiling.

I think we go somewhere more beautiful

I think we return to the source.

I don't think we die

I think it's just lights out and that's it

maybe there's a bar somewhere where we could just hang

No, I will not. Any more than before I was born, I wasn't alive.

I think it's like a light switch. But I think it's not about what happens when you die. I think it's about what happened while you were alive.

I think we should rot, put us in the ground, plant an apple tree on us

I think we die. I think that's it.

I think that you remain energetically with the people that loved you

Nothing. That's what's happening now in a way, you know. Who knows, man?

I just got to believe that it's pretty much exactly like Joel Osteen's megachurch, but bigger.

it's probably bad. I'm just too Catholic.

there's just a positive energy field that you become part of

fully deteriorate until the physical becomes... and then it's cool

Hovering

i hope it's great, whatever it is. i think there's definitely something waiting for us

I'm hoping for the end of life to be kind of the feeling you get when you sink into a chair after a long day

No one ever really dies. I think our body passes away and our soul meets the creator of all things. And what we've done, the love we've given in this life, all the things that we've done, that lives on forever.

very little

Goonies never say die!

lights out, make the most of it folks

I don't know but one day I will know

I hope so

we probably carry on in another version of ourselves

I know that the ones who love us will miss us

I think we all just vanish into each other.

I have faith. The assured expectation of things hoped for, the evidence of things yet unseen.

I'd like to think that we're all floating up in the clouds playing harps, but I'm worried that we're just worm food

We go to heaven. Only nice people.

I think we go home

I think we see everyone we love and we then go back and influence the lives of everyone we've left behind

we go to heaven or I do

I think we disintegrate into the ground. And then our soul lives on in the people who love us.

I think if you're good you go to heaven I think if you're bad you go to hell

I think whatever spark is animating our bodies once the body passes on that the spark continues to go but whether or not that electricity has Consciousness or not who could really say

our loved ones are waiting for us going 'it's wonderful here, come'

You hear a voice and it sounds a lot like Jim Nantz and he says 'Welcome to the first tee from Dallas, Texas, Owen Wilson' and the angels go bananas

I think heaven and hell are what is here. It's what we're living.

I think consciousness is what we are not our bodies. So I think consciousness probably goes on in some form or other.

I think we become animals or a book

I think we go to heaven... but you don't stay there too long, you just gotta get yourself together again and come down and deal with all that you didn't deal with last time you were here

Well, one thing is it is harder to get a job. And at least that was my experience after I released the Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle.

We are done. Energy is forever and we are energy, but these bodies they're going to be turned to dust. That's it.

we wake up

I think our energy stays around the ones we love

We just like rejoin the matrix, I think

I think this is it, I don't think there's anything after we die

i hope we uh something something we don't understand uh would be great

Nobody knows. Heaven? Barkley's going to hell, so... I'm going to heaven, so...

I wish I knew

Some continuance of some kind, a dispersion of oneself into some kind of being (asked by Jim Gaffigan)

I imagine it's the same as it was before I was here

I think your soul goes and have a meeting decide if you should come back or not

I think we get to race automobiles

we turn into trees

your eatheric body leaves your corporal body and floats around, it's kind of a pre-party, you pregame before you go on to someplace else

Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Expendables

Terminator 2

Scarface.

Casino Royale.

The Dark Knight

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Love Actually

Blade Runner. Is it an action movie?

Vanishing Point

Dances with Wolves

Bambi

Point Break

John Wick

The first Indiana Jones.

Once Upon a Time in the West

It's a tie between The Terminator and Toy Story.

pass

Bullitt

The Great Escape

Raiders of the Lost Ark

Probably Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Diehard

Dr. No

die hard

The French Connection.

Die Hard

The Bourne movies

Tokyo Drift. Fast and Furious.

Towering Inferno

2001

Speed. Not quality. I was in it.

seven samurai, kill bill, team america world police, skyfall, casino royale, goldfinger, from russia with love, spider-man into the spider-verse, treasure of the sierra madre, the french connection, apocalypse now, lawrence of arabia, isle of dogs, no country for old men, jurassic park, rio bravo, one-eyed jacks, bullitt, jaws, badlands, blade runner, dune 2021, bonnie and clyde, raiders of the lost ark, or mad max fury road

Driving Miss Daisy, probably.

that Batman movie that Christian Bale was in with the Joker

Gladiator

Iron Man. Iron Man one.

the dark knight

the great escape — saving private ryan I guess

Forrest Gump.

jungle land

Lethal Weapon

Raiders of the Lost Arc

Born Identity

The Untouchables

The Abyss

Roller Ball

In the line of fire.

Aliens

Dr. Strangelove.

The Matrix

Black Panther

Die Hard.

Gladiator and then of course Black Panther the first black panther

Bruce Lee Enter the Dragon

the first Mad Max, Fem Nikita the original

Road Warrior

Magnificent Seven. Or Seven Samurai.

Hulk. The Ang Lee Hulk.

Gladiator

40 Shades of Gray. Or Bambi. Or Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Mr and Mrs Smith — but I can sit down and watch a James Bond movie any time of the day

First Blood

The first Matrix

Terminator 2

Raiders of the Lost Ark

terminator 2

Superman. The first one.

Great Escape and John Wick 4

Raiders of the Lost Ark (asked by Jeff Daniels)

The Magnificent Seven

the dirty dozen

Sense and Sensibility

the Born movies, Born Identity

Window.

the window

window so I can lean and sleep

Window seat

Aisle.

Window.

window

window 100%

the window, but if it's a body odor situation, the aisle

Window.

aisle

window

aisle

Aisle.

window

Aisle.

window

window

Absolutely aisle

Aisle

Window.

I'm a napper so I need to be by the window

Window

I would normally say the window, but now I travel first, it doesn't really matter.

window

window

Aisle, I don't have to climb over somebody to go to the bathroom

Window

window

Window, and I do not feel any guilt when I get up and make that person feel bad.

Window

window if I'm alone, aisle if I'm with my son

Aisle

I like the aisle.

Aisle. I want an escape, even though there's nowhere to go

window please

window

Window

window

window

Window.

bed

Window

Always window because I like to see where I'm going.

window

window

Window.

window

aisle

the aisle

Window

Aisle.

cockpit

I actually prefer center seat between two big guys with screaming kids.

Aisle

exit row

Window

Window

as I get older I like an aisle

Private

window

Aisle (asked by Tiffany Haddish)

Window

window

window

Gardenia.

strawberries

baby breath

Good schnitzel, a good steak, good desserts

This Christmas cinnamon smell — the Christmas tree, that smell is the best.

My wife.

babies, baby head, and roses

honeysuckle

My newborn babies

my mother ironing

Pizza.

my wife Betty

fresh baked cookies

garlic

the Australian bush right before it's about to rain

a wood fire in the air when you're walking around in New England in the cold weather

My kid.

cigars

Irish turf burning in a fireplace.

patchouli

new mown grass

Everything from a child's head to the one you love's, the nape of the neck

My children when they wake up, they smell so good

My husband's breath.

My wife

Someone else's barbecue

lavender

Flowers, roses, frizes, lilac.

bread

baby scalp

My children

Lilacs

I dug the smell of some fresh weed, man

The inside of a Martin guitar.

fresh air, the loamy earth, rain, my kids' hair, and Emily's neck right there

Onions, garlic, and butter.

bacon

garlic and olive oil

my kids

Coffee

baby's hair

tarmac — creosote when you walk past a freshly creosoted fence

Petrichor.

the beach

Children's scalps

Petricor

Orange Blossom

my husband's neck

wood smoke

my 1974 Norton Commando when the engine warms up when you've been given a good go

Michael's neck.

Coffee. Popcorn.

Gardenia or tuber rose.

coffee mixed with bacon in the morning

apple pie

my husband

Jasmine.

Pink Friday too

night blooming Jasmine

The ocean. Or jasmine.

Certain flowers — peonies, roses. And this oil from trees called oud. And if you ever pass a pizza place that's really good at 11:00 at night...

garlic

my wife

flowers, stargazers

Garlic.

Midnight Rose by Van Cleef and Arpels

dogs paws

The smell right before it rains or right as it rains

The top of my son's head

spicy, like a plate of spicy food before I eat it

i like the smell of uh like uh like cinnamon

Farts

New puppy

Kai Rose lotion (asked by Evie Colbert)

Espresso in the morning

vanilla

jockstrap

Rotting burnt human flesh slathered with fecal matter and vomit.

chitlins

cigarette smoke

A dog dump

Gaga.

There are the obvious ones. I don't think I'm super original when it comes to least favorite smells.

Clorox

unwashed human, man stank

My newborn babies

chemical mint

Poo.

sulfur

bo

public urinals

a fried apple

Well, my kids.

the dressing room I was just in

Yeah, me right now.

garlic

Jakob's cream cracker factory

A man's bathroom

Any sort of excreter. Any of them. No thanks.

Myself

Cat

nappies once they got onto solid food

Those flowers when they've been in the vase for a week and the water has been absorbed by the stems and stalks and they smell like death.

throw up

the stench of lies coming out of Washington

Vomit

Bat guano

other people's

Someone else's vomit.

Poop.

some of the odors that come out of children, particularly teenage boys

that mildew smell

some things that my kids do

Places I've been everywhere in the world in the summertime. The heat of organic material.

babies poop

a not great egg

Fear.

exercise

I don't like not knowing who it's coming from

dog

when the socks are waiting too long for me to do the laundry

cigarette smoke in a very enclosed place

Cologne.

The subway on a hot summer day

Rancid garbage. Streets of New York.

Pooh River

he's sitting right there

poop

hydrogen sulfide, not only because it's deadly but it smells like rotten eggs and gaseous effluences

in New York when the garbage the people don't come around the rotting garbage piles

my wife's pet Pomeranian's crap

bad breath

A real strong cologne or perfume

Bad breath.

Poo. of any variety.

a bodily function

My breath after I've had a lot of garlic.

Rats

flower water

Probably vomit

Hot garbage

chlorine pool

exercise

Limburger cheese

New puppy

Rancid sugar combined with cooking grease (asked by Amy Sedaris)

Fear

newborn baby's head

someone was painting their nails on a plane

It was my second birthday and my parents and relatives thought it would be a great idea to dress up like clowns.

I remember reaching for something but I don't remember what

getting a go-kart

My dad and my mother having me in bed between both of them during the lightning outside in thunderstorm

I remember I used to watch a picture of a girl, it was in a book, my mom had a picture book, and I used to cry for that. And I was like four years old.

Looking at tadpoles with my mom in a pond behind our house in Hawaii.

being little and watching my mother and her sister talk, feeling the lack of communication

swinging on a swing in my parents yard

being bathed in a sink in Texas

my feet burning on the hot ground running from little patches of grass

my parents took me to the Prudential Building, I might have been three

getting my driver's license

That question you just asked me.

I was on a set of a film called Altered States and I was running into William Hurt's arms

being pushed in a pram by my mother

When I was about four and I drew all around the loo in the house and was made to rub it out sobbing.

I used to sing myself to sleep

I was asleep under the metal table in our back room during the Second World War.

a Christmas present that was wrapped and I couldn't figure out what was inside

seeing my mom, she used to have beautiful long hair. The door opens and there's my mom in a mink coat and her hair is all shaved. I thought she turned into a monkey.

Mrs. Matson, third grade teacher, coming out in the hallway — Kennedy had just been shot.

drinks were spilled on me when I was a little kid

I found a little triangular rock and a four-leaf clover, put them in a bowl, wished for a dog, and then we went to King's Plaza Mall and bought a dog named Fluffy

my dad holding me in a swimming pool in Venezuela, there were iguanas

The Coppertone commercial I did when I was three

being in my dad's arms with my sister on Christmas Eve, looking out of the window waiting for Santa

shopping at Bloomingdales

my family in Georgia in a park where my parents worked, being with my sister kind of off to the side

when I was 2 years old, finding a little fluffy teddy bear at nursery group

My mom and dad giving me a toy plastic kitchen, like a little Fisher Price.

Seeing Clarence Nash on the Walt Disney show doing the voice of Donald Duck

I remember my crib

I remember wanting to go to a place called Burger Boys in my country in Trinidad

sometimes I think I could go all the way back to in utero and feeling like I could see faces in the dark or something

eating snow in Washington DC

My mother giving me a haircut on the counter and seeing the moving trucks come in across the street

I have a memory of being in my crib.

Being on the beach. I was 13 months old, according to my mother.

Me in the kitchen watching my mother give Rousy a bath in the sink

my mom used to bake cakes as a side hustle and I remember waking up to the smell of a baked cake and she had made this wedding cake with a waterfall coming down it

Being with my twin brother in a playpen

my brother and I were naked at the foot of their bed shaking our butts to Miss You by the Rolling Stones, we were butt ghosts

I killed a little chick on the farm when I was about two

Two-part answer: my mom on a short ladder painting a room brown when I was three, and I was telling her about my dream the night before — an albino King Kong marauding throughout the city (asked by Ben Stiller)

I was four years old and I attempted to rob a liquor store with my hand in a paper bag as if it were a gun

birth, it was dark for a while and humid

Dogs.

dogs

neither

Dogs

Dogs.

Dogs.

dogs

dogs

dogs

Dogs!

I have a cat

dogs

dogs

dogs

Both.

doggies

Dogs.

dogs

dogs

Dogs. Cats are all plotting our downfall.

Dogs

Cats.

Dogs

Dogs. Smells better.

Dogs.

dogs

Right now dogs, two new pugs

Dogs

I currently have a cavoo — cavalier Charles poodle combo

Dogs. I've had dogs forever.

I'm a doggy doggy man

I couldn't choose between God's babies.

dogs

dogs for sure

dogs

Dogs

I like them both, but probably dogs

cats

I love both but I'm going to lean into dogs

dogs

dogs

dogs

Dogs.

dogs

Dogs

I think I tend towards the cats.

dogs, I've got four dogs and one cat

dogs

Dogs.

dogs

cats

both, we can live in harmony

Dogs

Dogs.

dogs obviously

I like cats and dogs. I've had them both. They're all great.

Dogs

both

Dogs

dogs

Dogs

Dogs

Dogs (asked by Aubrey Plaza)

Dogs

cats and dogs

Achy Breaky Heart or Merry-Go-Round by Wild Men Fisher.

Sade, Cherish the Day

something by Coltrane

Marisol. Maybe Maris — something happy.

Marvin Gaye, What's Going On. Maybe Nina Simone, Feeling Good. Between those two.

How Deep Is the Ocean, a duet with my son

night call by Kavinsky

That's All recorded by Nat King Cole

a Bee Gees song called Immortality

Gustav Mueller's Resurrection.

Summer Wind, Frank Sinatra

Here's That Rainy Day

More Than This, Roxy Music

Day in the Life, Beatles

Love and Affection.

Space Invader, Foo Fighters Everlong

Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

Smile by Charlie Chaplin, Nat King Cole's version

Revolution 9 by the Beatles

La Vie en Rose by Louis Armstrong

Kooks from Hunky Dory.

Willie Nelson's Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain

I'm only sleeping

always, I'll be loving you always with a love that's true always

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places.

I Love LA by Randy Newman

Three Little Birds

Desafinado by Antonio Carlos Jobim, the Stan Getz version

Millwork Worker by James Taylor

Anything by Al Green

Bill Evans. Peace.

Levon by Elton John.

for once in my life by Stevie Wonder, or Erroll Garner plays El Dorado

"Holding On to You" Miranda Lambert.

Do You Believe in Love by Huey Lewis and the News

Point of No Return by Kansas

Changes. David Bowie.

the curtain falls by bobby darin

ashes to ashes, David Bowie

Gymnopodie, Number One.

lost in the flood

Free Bird

Inner City Blues by Marvin Gaye

I Wish by Stevie Wonder

Oh, Darling by Super Tramp

Take Me Home, Country Roads

Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'

John Lennon. Imagine.

All I Want For Christmas

Waterloo Sunset

Something baroque.

Imagine by John Lennon

Hejira, Joni Mitchell

as by Stevie Wonder

Try a little tenderness, Otis.

the Styx song, come sail away

I want to dance with somebody Whitney Houston

the birthday song

4'33" John Cage

Good Vibrations

Silent Night, I loved — I still love Silent Night.

love gets sweet every day by Philip way

Come Together

Rick Ashley, Take Me to Your Heart

Push It by Salt-N-Pepa

Anything by Prince

Harvest Moon, maybe

Angel from Montgomery, John Prine's version

steve bilko by uh a tribe called quest

Since you've been gone

Summer in the city

Song Without Words in E Major, Op. 19 No. 1 by Mendelssohn, performed by Glenn Gould (asked by James Taylor)

The literal sound of silence

Skinny marinky dinky dink skinny marinky doo I love you

our lips are sealed by the go-go's

Rick Ashley, never going to give you up

Hallelujah

27.

six

three

Three

Nine.

Seven.

24

17

Seven

two

8.

seven

nine

seven

11 or 73

14

Four.

six

Pi?

13

seven

49

36

Eight.

The holy trinity, number three

Five

seven

21.

nine

16

Five

22

21

seven

6,212.

4128

64.

eight

23

Seven

seven

42

412.

infinity

39

six

four

Five

seven

six

42.

56

Nine

3244.

nine

three

four

Seven.

13

32

12

two

37

Three.

one

seven

Seven

two

Seven

12

five

47

27

Eight

Three (asked by Robert De Niro)

18

six

1,284

four

Be kind. Bring joy. Repeat.

great great great great great

somewhere doing something with my hands

Fun, exciting, adventurous, energetic, and hungry

Happy, retired, eating tripletas, and living in Puerto Rico.

Joy, Michelle, Obama, and Sasha.

looking forward to peace

laughter smiling snuggling eating singing

Sex sex sex laughs sex

it's getting better all the time

Oh, man. That's two. Yes, that's five. That's two. Yes.

damn what a ride

I would like to live

Mama help me

where did I put my keys

I get older then pass

Those really rule.

do everything I possibly can to stop people at intersections from motioning me to go first

Scrubbing this stupid makeup off.

happy calm silly affectionate not taking it too seriously

your bum is like a magnet

Trapped in the Ed Sullivan?

It will hopefully be blissful

Mostly, predominantly, largely, overtly there.

Better than the first half

I will live honestly, to the best of my ability

cleaning up after my kids

Working, playing, eating, playing, working.

there is stuff happening

fight hard until the bell

Play the hand I'm dealt

Free. Married. Mommy, grandmommy. loved.

Not tall what I expect

It's happening right now soon

Anybody want to listen to Levon?

all you need is love

Hopefully not too short.

Fat, sleepy, lazy, slightly drunk

no way I c...

Food, movies, skiing, bed, family

i hope i make it

I have no idea

Trying to change the world.

hopefully quite quite quite long

Am out of here now

more of the same please

keeps getting better and better

It's going to be spectacular

exciting, full, hilarious, spontaneous, lengthy

health, love, friendship, create art, motorcycles

It's going to be great. Hopefully.

that's my life I guess

Staying in pajamas all day

Beautiful, exciting, curious, long, futuristic.

family friends work service joy

very very very long

family friends in the sun

Pass.

insatiably curious till I die

blessed peaceful joyful charitable and long

compassionate electric effective hilariously healthy

healthy emotionally physically and spiritually

Cabo, Vegas, Istanbul, Berlin, Tijuana

Not that much longer.

freedom happiness clarity space love

it's going to be great

What the [bleep] happened?

Laughing his ass off honey

run it by Ava first

Just like it is now

She lived for more years

father son husband brother friend

i hope it's good

10. Years. Ahead. Old folks. Home.

Forest, ocean, garden, family, friends, dog

My family, my friends, fun (asked by John Dickerson)

More of the same please

Successful joyous challenging gratifying and abundant

a magnificent cavalcade of color

conquer my fear of penguins

60 more excellent years ahead